Decisions that shape us


What are your decisions telling you about your beliefs?

Decisions! Decisions! Decisions! We all make them-  Every day we are making a million different decisions, like what we are going to eat, what were are going to wear, how to do our hair,  and even more important decisions like trying for a baby, getting married, and setting boundaries, for example.

What we don’t realise is that most of the decisions that we make on a daily basis are from our subconscious brain, where we aren’t actively thinking about it! They are coming from the beliefs that we have built our lives on and spent time reaffirming over the years. For me, one of these beliefs was based on a question I would ask myself, and that is:  “Am I pretty?”

I asked this question as a young child, wondering if others thought I was pretty.  The response to this question has stayed with me for a long time. “Yes, you’re pretty… pretty ugly.” This was the casual answer to my innocent question from someone still young and learning about themselves.

However, it was an important question for me at the time. “Yes, I’m pretty ugly”, was a belief that I took hold of after that, and have spent decades of my life reaffirming within myself.  Any time anyone would say I was pretty, I would say the end of that sentence to myself. Yes, I’m pretty… pretty ugly.  Over the years people would reflect back that message to me in different ways.

They would say things like “You would be pretty if you…”

–  lost weight

–  wore different types of clothes

–  ate this food

–  did this exercise, etc

The list goes on and on. However; even if those things were right, I couldn’t have taken action on them successfully, because fundamentally I believed that I was ugly, so I couldn’t do anything that would make me look or feel actually pretty.  Due to that ‘pretty ugly’ belief, my subconscious brain would actively help me be right in that belief.  I have many memories in my life of feeling sorry that people had to look at me, because it was unfair to their eyes,-that I was grotesque, feeling sorry for nurses having to help me when I was in a hospital because they shouldn’t have to come to work and have to look after people like me.   WOW, how horrible is that!  But it’s how I spoke and treated myself, even punishing myself for it.  This was utterly unresourceful and had robbed me of many precious moments and memories.

We all have these type of beliefs.  We usually develop them when we are young, and our brains are still developing. Some of them are helpful to us, and others are completely wrong and need to be plucked out and transformed in truth- and replaced with resourceful beliefs that help us to grow and experience the wonder of the life we have been given. Negative types of beliefs don’t only hurt us; they also affect the people in our lives, the boundaries we set, how we teach people to treat us, and the energy we bring in.

Change is possible

It is however with great joy that I can tell you that these beliefs can be changed, replaced and transformed for ones that can be resourceful, empowering, loving, kind, and so much more. The first step of that process recognises what the belief is.  For some this is easy because they are already aware- for others, it can take a while to figure them out.

I’ve spent the last five years of my life deep diving into me and learning more and more about who I really am and what it means to be me. Falling in love with what makes me who I am and the incredible gifts that I have been given. Every day, week, month and year there is more to learn about me, and the journey will continue, finding all the little nuggets and chunks

of gold inside of me, and then allowing them to shine. You can as well, and I would love to help you on that journey of finding you and walking the life you choose to live. 

So… A trained coach can help you through the self-discovery journey. I’d love to give you the tools to grow into your most authentic self. You can contact me to inquire about booking a session.

Journalling activity:

  1. Select a time where you are free to be emotional, where you won’t be disturbed and feel safe.
  2. Start responding to this question, what am I saying to myself over and over?
  3. Write from the heart, move past the head knowledge and allow it to come out.
  4. When you feel like you have gotten an answer ask, “And what else?”, over and over until you’re done, you can’t find any more.
  5. Spend some time reflecting on your answers. Allow yourself the opportunity to think about it over the week and add to your list if you need too.
  6. Come back after a week and highlight some of these things that came out there were most influential to you. Are there some memories attached to them? These are likely to be some of the moments in which you created the belief that you have been working out of.

If you give this activity a try, let me know how you go, leave me a comment and share it with friends, so they too can begin the journey of finding their goal within.