Writing my first book – From life support to Life

So far this year I’ve done three more training seminars with my coaching college!

Over the three weeks of being there, I’ve done more and more of my own personal work, including getting back in touch with some of the feelings that I have kept inside- especially those around my the trauma birth of my last baby Marcella. (read more here).

I’ve been wanting to put the whole story down in a book for some time, but I’ve been waiting for the right time.  Well now is that right time!  While I was away, I realised that some of the reason I haven’t written that book yet is that I’ve been hiding from the feelings. I’ve been running really fast, keeping really busy and haven’t really given myself the time to feel the feelings. 

I’ve been running really fast, keeping really busy and haven’t really given myself the time to feel the feelings. 

Why?

Because many of the feelings are not nice ones to feel. 

Which brings me to the topic of feelings:  We have in many ways been taught that there are good feelings and bad feelings- that we always want to feel happy and that feeling sad, depressed or angry are bad feelings to feel, so we want to avoid feeling them.  However the reality is, that all feelings are equal, there are no good feelings and no bad feelings, they are just feelings. 

Much like the colours of a rainbow, yellow is not a good colour and blue is not a bad colour, they are all just colours and together in the form of a rainbow we are able to see how amazing each colour is- without the others there with it, it wouldn’t be as spectacular!  Feelings are the same.  Being happy doesn’t feel as good if you’ve never been sad.  When we label feelings as good and bad, we limit our ability to feel our lives and be fully functioning and available in it.  We also trap those feelings within our body and eventually they show up in some other way, such as disease.  

 Your entire life is nothing more than a projection of what you think

-Kerwin Rae 

One of the things that I always need to work on with clients is their emotional life, and the strategies they have been using to run their lives. Kerwin Rae says “your entire life is nothing more than a projection of what you think”. I see this as very true.  In that, the way we think about things is the reason we create the strategies that we do to run our lives.  When I’m looking at the health conditions of an individual, I’m also looking at ‘what are the thoughts and beliefs that have been established to create that condition’.  

For example:

In a client with Chronic fatigue, I’m often finding myself working with a person that has learnt in their life that they need to wear a mask, play a role or hide in order to be safe.  Now every case is different because of their individual life experiences, but the themes are often similar.  This is also the same when I’m working with someone with gut health issues. There is a common theme of them lacking in personal power- they can sometimes have very little say in their own lives and struggle with having good effective boundaries.

When I’m working with children with autism, then I’m also often looking at a mother that has had thyroid issues, and also sometimes at someone that has either been struggling to speak their truth and shoving it back down or someone that is spewing the hurt inside over the people around them.  Now, of course, these are generalisations, and again every case is different with individual stories, meanings and strategies created from it, but there are often these common threads. 

So how does this apply to me writing my book?

Well, I know that much of my own personal health has to do with me still carrying some of the hurt that I have been through and not releasing it. Some of that was to protect the people around me, some of that I thought was to protect me, even more than that though- much of it was because of shame.  We all know that feeling. Shame is usually the experience that keeps us quiet, hidden, and afraid.   For me, the shame was in being seen as weak because I’ve been praised for being so strong for much of my life.  However, the opposite is actually true- There is a real strength in being vulnerable because feelings don’t last. They are like waves and they come and go, IF you allow them too.  

So that is what I’ve been committing to as I start this journey of writing my book, I’m committing to feeling the feelings and walking through the fire of those sometimes overwhelming feelings and allowing this process to refine me, and help me shift the old stories and strategies that no longer serve me.  Many of you have read my story, in short.  No one has heard the full story from my heart, and that is what I will bring to the book.  

I’m excited to share this with the world, and hopefully, along the way empower you the reader to make each day count and start sifting through your old stories- especially the ones that you tell yourself to keep you ‘safe/stuck’, like

I’m not enough,

I’ll never be good enough,

If people could read my thoughts they wouldn’t like me,

I’m not pretty enough,

I’m too fat,

I’m stupid. 

The list could go on.  We need to change these stories because they aren’t working for us. So here’s to feeling the feelings and creating new stories. 

If this has resonated with you, and you need help identifying, sifting and changing your stories, you’re always welcome to book in for a coaching session/s with me, to help you start creating the change you’re hoping will ‘just happen’. 

Much Love,

Christina Mathewson.

Naturopath, Herbalist, GAPS Practitioner and Life Coach.